Disclaimer: Sensitive material ahead. If you are going through a dark time, please use discretion when reading this post.

November was one of my roughest months.

My depression hit an all time low. I didn’t want to do anything, and during that state, I had lost a close family member. I was numb for the entire month. I stared at a pill bottle for an hour before turning away from it. I almost gave up. I have nothing to give to the world. What use am I alive? That was (and still somewhat is) what my mind was focused on in November and on most of December.

I want to say that I am currently in therapy. But I’m not. I want to say that I am doing better. But that would be half a lie. I want to say so many different things about where I am and where I am going, but I truly have no idea.

I recently turned twenty-two. It’s not like that Taylor Swift song where everything is great and amazing. I’m in a lot of pain and in a place where I’m not sure I’m going to survive the rest of the year.

But here I am in December. Not quite whole yet, but kind of getting there. I’m rediscovering myself through listening to podcasts and YouTube videos, learning a new hobby, and sticking to a simple schedule. Those are only the tip of the iceberg.

So here’s a tentative plan on how I’m going to help myself heal. It’s going to take a long time for me to move forward, but as long as I’m trying, I think I’ll get there.

Stick to a beauty routine // I’ve forgotten the joy of taking care of my skin consistently and how much I enjoy putting on make up. My skin has taken it’s toll because of it so sticking to a beauty routine would at least help me feel more human.

Listen to more podcasts // I listen to a select few podcasts, but I’ve been branching out lately. I like to listen to podcasts by Sugar Babies as I admire their skills and confidence. If you don’t know what a Sugar Baby is, I suggest looking them up, but I won’t entertain rude comments as everyone has their own preferred lifestyle.

Create an easy to follow schedule // I need structure in my life. It’s something that’s a little difficult to admit as I feel like being spontaneous is more my forte. However, having a routine to follow has always helped me more in life than following my whims.

Workout or stretch // I was having wrist pain a few weeks back which sent me into a rabbit hole of videos and articles to lessen the pain. I never had that type of pain before so now I’m more vigilant in making sure all of my muscles are feeling good.

Make time for hobbies // I recently picked up watercolor paints after watching art videos for the past week or so. It’s relaxing to sit down and focus on one thing or learn something new about the medium. I used to draw when I was younger, but became too embarrassed about my drawings to continue with the hobby. Watercolor seems to be more my style, however I may start drawing again as I dive deeper into watercolor.

Go to therapy // The periods of time where I was able to go to therapy helped create an outlet for me to talk about my problems and pain. I don’t have the time for weekly therapy sessions, but I think a biweekly or monthly session would be helpful for me.

I sound like a broken record on this blog about getting better mentally. But it’s truly a journey that has its ups and downs, and I’ve been down for most of the year. Here is my declaration that I’m going to change it. It may be slow, but I know I’ll be in a better place the more I actively focus on getting better.

How have you been doing lately?