Hey everyone!
It’s six months since I’ve post about my January theme. Reflecting on it now, I feel like I’m not adding more discipline in my life, but instead I’m adding more creativity into my life. I’m creating more, but my discipline isn’t that great. My will power is at 45% most of the time. I can trace this back to several different reasons: my depression, people who influence me, and my own personal goals. That’s not all of my reasons, but the ones that come to mind first.
My depression has steadily been dragging me down for the passed few years. It’s evident in the way I work on assignments and my own personal projects that I’m struggling to keep going. I don’t like writing about my mental illness since it affects everyone differently, and I don’t want to create just one version of it in people’s mind. It’s hitting an okay stage at this point, but I’m looking into getting some therapy to help me unload the more chaotic energies that I’ve been building up.
The people around me have greatly influenced the way that I’ve been feeling about my goals. Most of them are helpful by giving me either tough love or giving me more time to get myself together. Except for one of my favorite cousins, but our relationship is built on bluntness and rudeness. We practically grew up with each other so he gets a pass.
My own personal goals seem to be either too big (and I need to make them smaller) or too simple. Bigger goals makes me feel ambitious enough to start them, but can get too overwhelming over time if not broken up into smaller steps. Simpler goals makes me feel like I can put them off for a different day, and they never get down. It’s all a cycle that I can break, but don’t. It’s frustrating.
But here’s my solution (or at least, my first one).
Break down bigger goals into smaller goals, but those smaller goals are still hard. I haven’t been writing every day, but when I do write, it’s for about an hour or two where I end up writing at least 2,000 words. So I don’t need to write every day to finish my stories, but instead I need to write long enough to finish at least one chapter or enough scenes to be almost done with one chapter.
I can definitely break down most of my goals so that I may finish them by my preferred time. Most of my goals are long term which means that I don’t have to be accomplish them by the end of 2018. I want to be at a comfortable place for my goals when 2018 ends so let’s hope that I can get there.
